Epic Doctor Fail
by LevinaIndigo
Summary: Giggling… That was definitely giggling, and if he heard correctly it sounded like the footsteps were… skipping? That couldn’t be right."


House ran his hand through his hair and stared down at the whiteboard.  
"There was nothing we could have done." Chase said, his arm slung across Cameron's shoulders, consoling her.  
"We did everything we--" Foreman was cut short by the unfamiliar sounds coming from the hallway.  
House froze, still facing the whiteboard. Giggling… That was definitely giggling, and if he heard correctly it sounded like the footsteps were… skipping? That couldn't be right.  
"Dr. Cuddy?" Cameron cried shrilly from behind House.  
"Dr. Wilson?!" Foreman and Chase blurted out. House quickly spun around to face the window.  
Wilson and Cuddy were skipping down the hallway, hands clasped together, giggling.  
"Are they okay?" Foreman asked from his seat at the table, eyebrow raised.  
House pushed through the door, not bothering to answer. He stood and watched Wilson and Cuddy skip away from him down the hallway. He tilted his head. Something was very wrong. House poked his head back into the diagnostics room. "Go do some kind of doctor shit; I have a mystery to solve."  
"But--" Cameron began, but House had already made for the elevator.

* * *

House pushed the door to Cuddy's office open violently. "Okay, what drugs did you take, and why didn't you offer me any?"  
Wilson and Cuddy were sprawled back on the couch, Cuddy sitting on Wilson's lap. Cuddy giggled and wrapped her arms around Wilson's neck. "Oh, House, you big silly. We aren't on drugs."  
"We're in love!" Wilson proclaimed, his arms wrapped around Cuddy's waist.  
House raised an eyebrow and sat in the chair across from Wilson and Cuddy.  
Cuddy smiled and hugged Wilson closer. House cringed. His friends had gone completely out of their minds.  
"You're in love?" House questioned, hoping he had misheard and Wilson had actually said they were high on drugs from the pharmacy, as far fetched as that may have been.  
"We're in love," Cuddy beamed. "Aren't we, Pookie?"  
"Deeply, Cuddles," Wilson agreed, rubbing his nose to Cuddy's in an Eskimo kiss.  
"Oh, God, I'm going to be sick." House held his stomach to emphasize his mental disgust. "You guys cannot be serious."  
Wilson and Cuddy's faces became stern.  
"I have never been more serious about anything in my life," Wilson replied gravely. Cuddy nodded in agreement.  
"He's just going to cheat on you!" House yelled, gesturing from Wilson to Cuddy. He rubbed his hand through his hair again. Calm down House, get a grip.  
"You're just jealous," Cuddy grinned, cuddling up with Wilson.  
"I am not jealous!" House glared.  
Wilson pressed his lips to Cuddy's neck.  
"Not in front of me!"  
Cuddy giggled, and kissed Wilson.  
"This is so wrong!" House stood from his chair. "You can't like him!" House pointed accusingly at Cuddy. "You like guys who can have their own opinion and don't just do whatever you want all the time! And you!" He turned his attention to Wilson. "You don't even know what monogamy is! You probably think it's some kind of wood!"  
Cuddy and Wilson snickered.  
"What?" House stopped.  
"You said wood," Cuddy stated, then snickered again.  
"Cuddles likes that I do whatever she wants," Wilson smiled, brushing stray hairs from Cuddy's face.  
"Oh, Pookie, I do, and I know you would never even think of looking at another woman."  
"Do you even _know_ Wilson? Also, stop calling each other disgusting names like Pookie, and Cuddles!"  
"You can't stand the fact that we're happy and you're still miserable," Wilson grinned.  
"No, I can't stand the fact that you apparently haven't learned _anything_ about each other! You two don't work together! …As a couple, I mean… You do _work_ together, but…" He shook his head in frustration. "You know what I mean!"  
Cuddy tugged at Wilson's tie.  
"…I'm still here."  
Wilson grinned and reached for Cuddy's belt.  
"Hello… Doctors. Doctors!"  
"Oh, Pookie, I love you," Cuddy sighed.  
"And I love you, Cuddles. More than anyone. Even more than House."  
Cuddy then laughed maniacally.  
"No!" House screamed.

* * *

House woke with a start, his breathing heavy. Looking around frantically, he took solace knowing he was in his room. Sighing his relief, he cleared his throat, limping to the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face. God, what a terrible nightmare.  
He began to get dressed for work.

* * *

"Pookie!" House yelled, walking into the hospital.  
Wilson paused for a second and then turned. "What?"  
"Good."  
"Can you maybe elaborate? I'm still quite lost."  
"Don't worry your pretty little head about it, Boo-Boo-Kitty-Fuck. Just stay away from Cuddles." And with that House continued to his office.  
Wilson stood stunned. "What… just happened?"


End file.
